THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is Ukranian model Valeria Lukyanova. She’s known as the “human Barbie doll’. She’s undergone a ton of plastic surgery. Her figure is exactly what you like. Thin with good inner thigh gap, long blonde hair, blue eyes, +2′s… So would you with this plastic Barbie?

Answer: If I was in Ukraine on business and met her at the bar… a couple vodka shots later I could see myself penetrating her. In America I can’t see myself pulling the trigger. I’m not good with home court advantage.

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is Vera Brezhneva, Ukrainian Pop singer from group VIA GRA. She is now solo. I think she is very beautiful, 28 years old. What do you think Nik?

Is it just me or are her extremities super long… Can I get real pictures please?- nik