THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, HUGE fan of your site. You obviously have no shame in telling the truth and that’s what I need to hear. I was looking into getting my lips, nose, and boobs done. I would say my lips are average size, my nose is naturally close to perfection (just a slight bump that I want to get rid of), and my boobs aren’t small by any means. My boyfriend doesn’t condone the idea of me getting plastic surgery at all, but I want to be perfect, Nik! Which should I do first? (By the way, the picture I included isn’t of me).

I never thought the picture you included was you. This is your order: Nose, Boobs, Lipo then Lips.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, while holding a baby he may seem like a nice man. He is psychotic, bipolar, crazy, and abusive. He lies about literally everything. He told many people this was his kid, but who really knows? He will lie just to do it. He is currently locked up and has been to a mental institution for his craziness. He smokes and does any drug he can get his hands on. His MOM shaves his own beard because he’s too lazy. There is cat poop all over his house because he doesn’t care. The entire place also smells like piss. He treats all of his girlfriends like shit and cheats on them with fat girls with saggy boobs. He is a manipulative sociopath and doesn’t even know it. He uses people, is fake as hell, tries to be something he’s not, and acts like a hard*ss. He is greasy, grimey, smelly, and hairy. Beware of the hair, like I said he doesn’t know how to shave. He claimed to be able to fight, and the one fight he was seen gotten into, he got his *ss beat by a guy who can’t fight at all, and layed on the ground for at least 10 minutes. When he got up, he acted immature and like a baby. He didn’t say it’s cool bro, you got me, he went and attacked a tree like a maniac. Girls, stay away from this guy he will make your life a living hell and fight with you constantly. He is also mean to animals and throws his cats! He almost hit his mom once and constantly fights with her. He always smells like an ashtray combined with cat piss and shi=&t. Whenever he tries to talk sh*t, he can’t back it up at all. He has no respect for women and has lost all of his friends because of his attitude. He constantly threatens to kill himself and acts like the world revolves around him, everyone is tired of the act because he would put it on FACEBOOK and try and get attention, saying he didn’t want to live anymore. He’s a pussy, and a little boy on the inside. Good luck when your mom kicks you out for good. You’re lucky she treats you as good as she does with all of the sh*t she puts up with from you.

Is that a lip ring or a scab…just saying.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, so the scientists at the University of St. Andrew’s School of Psychology declared this woman to be the most beautiful woman in the world after she won a natural beauty contest. Apparently her face is perfectly nearly perfectly proportional and the ratios between her eyes and nose and ears are all “scientifically ideal”. So of course I want to know, would you?

Answer: No, she has a cut on her lip. What do hairy old scientist know about beauty? They don’t study it like me on a daily basis… (Note to self: never send Press to St. Andrew’s). The only thing worth looking at on this girl are her eyes which aren’t even light enough to get me off.

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik! So I can’t believe nobody has posted this ridiculously gorgeous girl. Her name is Cary Poole and she’s originally from Altamonte Springs. We went to high school together. (the same school that chin-chilla went to; Lake Brantley breeds models, obviously). She lives in Miami now and is doing some serious modeling. Word is that she’s dating Miami Dolphins TE Anthony Fasano. Either way, just asking if you would?

Answer: No, the back fat and wart under her elbow bothers me.

(Click on the second image to see if the tattoo matches)

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, well well well Hollywood, Florida trash just hit its lowest, straight out of the slums of hollywood..Well we get our great tans on Ashley Frija’s sucking up half of hollywood, wow 2012 has brought loads of guys for this girl.  Get this girl some drinks and a little wasted and throw in a molly or 2 & Ashley Frija will spread eagle for just about anyone, for just about anything.  Check out this picture, bottom line, the TATTOO matches doesn’t it?

Yup, that is the same tattoo. Instagram/Facebook is the new CSI.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is Kristin Serio, she has a child and doesn’t know who the father is.  She has slept with almost all of Orlando and then some.  She goes for her friends leftovers and thinks just because she has a decent job that she isnt a wh*re or a bad person.  She has lost many friends and just doesnt care.  She also has some nasty breast implants that are stretch marked due to breast feeding whatever the kids name is.  She gets f*cked up on weekends, leaves her son with god knows who and then wakes up the next morning regretting life.  I went to lake Mary high school with this clown and she needs a wake up call on how sloppy and unattractive she is.

Ladies, always get a nose job before you invest in +2′s.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY:  Nik, I’m one of the guys that hits the “4am” crew up all the time but I usually do it around 5 or 6 am when I’m on a rally.  I’ll admit it, when I’m not drunk and hang out with them, I never would dare.  But once you get wasted, what matters doesnt even matter.  On nights when its looking like I’m going to have to call them, I usually store on chick from the club in the spank bank and then at 5 when I’m doing work wasted… I’m thinking about the hottie at the club… that my friend is a WIN/WIN situation.  You have no idea how many chicks I’ve banged that I really haven’t but I sure as hell think I have.

Are you the dude with the blue shorts on? Also, the term is called “File Away” not spank bank (that is not classy).- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I don’t blame these girls at all for thinking they are hot and the sh*t.  I blame all the desperate and drunk idiots that bang them.  I mean after 2am they are some of the most popular girls in Orlando and it is totally working out for them.  Its funny to see guys not want to talk to them at the bar, but soon as we leave, everyone is blowing them up lol.  Nik, can you really blame them?

Looks more like a 4AM crew to me.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I’ve seen this girl all over Orlando from alligator alley out in kissimmee to downtown cowboys and even UCF.  First off shes fat and her thighs are bigger then most men I know… she always has a cigarette in her hand is talks a lot of sh*t hello its not a good look.  Her and her girls are all plus size and shouldn’t wear the clothes they do… tell us what you think of her… her real name is Shannon Timme but she goes by Shannon Elizabeth probably because she is embrassed by her high school reputation still haunting her.

Some people just need to be medicated.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Hey Nik, haven’t submitted anyone before for a “Would you?” but after reading the latest post today about gingers I had to submit! We aren’t friends, but this girl went to my high school & is now a junior and KD at UCF. Meet Mary Mikkleson, probably the hottest ginger ever (& I’m a girl). Yes, her t*ts are real and she has a 5-head but I think she’s one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen, ginger or not! Would you?

Answer: No, who is her Blonde friend (the blonde is beat, but she still has a better shot if she applies makeup during penetration)?