THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I know this post makes me look like such a pussy but I really don’t care. I gave this girl my life, spent my time waking up early before work just to get her a college degree. While I was doing that she was cheating on me. I need the resources of your army to find our who the guy was. I don’t have any purpose in life anymore because I gave her my heart and soul. Dude I need your help and wisdom. I know you are busy and this isn’t real dirt but it’s my whole life. I can’t offer a lot but what I can and did offer is absolute loyalty. I just want this girl to face some degree of consequence and the only person that can provide that satisfaction is you.
I hate to break it to you, but that dude is way better looking — almost gay looking. You had no chance. It’s time to move west buddy, everyone cheats on the east coast to stay warm.- nik