THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I started visiting your site when I found out my husband cheated. Filled with rage and devastation I thought about posting the other woman but then decided against it. My issue should be first with my husband, plus I fear she could always find my pic on FB and post me and make up some sort of garbage. Their affair was almost a year ago and consisted of a few encounters over 1.5 months (or so he says). At the time of the affair our marriage was a mess. We were putting our work and children first, leaving no time for us and I denied him sex! I was also travelling cross country for work. Since then we have completed marriage counselling, reconnected and been attached to the hip. I have completely striped my husband of any freedom and for the first time he has asked me if I minded him going out with the guys for a few drinks. I nearly lost my marbles. After the affair, this middle aged couple, have been going to bars together (having a blast btw) and I’m floored by the flirtation aimed toward my husband in my presences. The woman are always a lot younger and my insecurity gets the best of me especially since I’m pushing 40 (plus did I mention the other woman was 30?). I want to give him some of his freedom back because I’m afraid my obsession with controlling every moment of his life will ultimately drive him away. I’m a successful, stunning (I have been told) and loyal wife. I don’t want to get divorced. I know I could easily take care of myself but I’m afraid of not finding someone I love as much as my husband plus it seems men my age are looking for woman much younger. I could wind up alone. Do you think I’m being ridiculous to act like a jail warden? Or you think I’m just asking for trouble by letting him make his own choices? Do you believe once a cheater always cheater and then would you advise I move on? I’m asking you because you see the garage out there everyday and you know 40 is like the new 60! Curious what you think!
You sound like a paranoid controller. If this is what your marriage has become why do you have one? Don’t worry about the age thing. No man wants to die alone, we are easily replaced. But finding the right man to put up with your/women’s bullsh*t and still love you is almost impossible (hunt don’t settle). He doesn’t sound like that man. He sounds like someone who lives in guilt.- nik