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Annette C of Chicago, Illinois

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, here’s Annette from Underground. She plays the good girl card but is really Chicago’s bicycle — every man has had a ride! Thanks for the DRD Annette! Brett, you would be a fool to not get tested!

Underground is still in business … the hardcore drug market will never die in Chitown.- nik


April McGrath of Sacramento, California

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this sleeve April McGrath cheated on her boyfriend of two years with multiple dudes. Her lower part stinks like rotten fish. She says she’s into yoga and health but is all doped up on prescription pills. If you see April stay clear.

Ugh the armpit of California is back in my life. And April has the face of Adam. I decided.- nik


Courtney Stodden Goes On Sugar Daddy Date

THE DIRTY ARMY:  Nik, your fake favorite Courtney Stodden is moving on from Doug Hutchinson and meeting Sugar Daddies online! On June 23, Stodden was paid $3,000 to meet a Sugar Daddy from WYP. The two met for dinner and drinks at Spago in Beverly Hills. Stodden wore a metallic dress paired with a nude robe.

I keep telling Scooby this is a layup and I can get a (discounted) monthly rate for meaningless love, but he won’t pull the trigger.- nik


Meet Dustin Maclean The Sperm Donor

THE DIRTY ARMY:  Nik, meet Dustin Maclean, 40 year father of 5 soon to be 6. (almost all of them have different mothers). This man is a Raving physcotic pill head alcoholic. This man gets girls pregnant and beats them. He did it to his most recent girlfriend while she was 7 months pregnant. He is the most abusive person you could ever come across, he abuses women and keeps getting away with it. Hide ur kids, hide ur wife, hide ur daughter because Dustin Maclean is back on the lose single on the prowl looking to mess up someone else’s life.

Dustin please finance a tube tie procedure… the payments are cheaper than child support ones. Like ten cents to the dollar based on your baby momma numbers. Plus, you’re not a professional athlete… there’s no need to be Shawn Kemp.- nik


Jake Garnett The Ottawa Jail Maintenance Man

THE DIRTY ARMY:  Nik, meet Jake Garnett, he works for the Ottawa Jail as a maintenance man. Jake loves to drink and do drugs to deal with his issues of having tourettes and being molested as a child… very sad… Jake loves to deal with his issues by drinking and driving around the streets of Rockland on the weekends and doing Cocaine and Molly until he passes out on his bathroom floor with his pants down… Jake should be exposed he needs help before someone gets hurt.

That fish is small time. When you’re holding a fish with one hand it’s not a real catch. Trust me on this, I’ve swam with Tiger Sharks at the San Clemente pier once and ten years ago I was an expert at ‘catch n release’ in Las Vegas.- nik


Nobu Waitress Sophie Christensen Is A Sugar Baby

THE DIRTY ARMY:  Nik, here is Sophie Christensen — a sex addicted idiot who has ruined two of my friends marriages so far. Here’s the kicker the two husbands she had sex with were over 60 years old. This chubby piece of trailer trash doesn’t care how fat wrinkly and old the guy is as long as she gets paid.

Sophie writes down her number for Nobu customers she wants as clients and will charge anywhere from $300-$600 depending on their looks and what they want her to do. Sophie and her equally retarded boyfriend are both drug addicts who rely on Sophie’s escort business to get their fix of yayo in everyday.

They’re so hooked on drugs they have zero empathy for the families they destroy. Here’s the best part Sophie has a DRD and doesn’t let her clients know about it. Her boyfriend probably has it too and might of given it to her. Hey Sophie here’s some advice — drop the drug addict boyfriend who’s using you, go to rehab, get a degree and stop RUINING PEOPLES LIVES!!! When she’s short on money she’ll actually drive from Huntington to Newport and Laguna to stalk her clients until they pay her for “services” SHES SO CREEPY!!!

Finally a good submission. Nobu Malibu is my favorite restaurant (I have never been), I can just tell it’s my favorite because of Instagram. I haven’t been to the Newport location… too many old dudes trying to find side tails… I started calling these guys Javier’s instead of Trouts (that bar/restaurant in Crystal Cove is automatic cookie for Riverside prices).- nik