THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I have a huge crush on this girl… shes seriously so awesome but she hasnt dated anyone for like 3-4 years or something because shes super picky.  What should I do to set myself apart and conquer her.

You really want to fight for that ghost, if she got a haircut you wouldn’t even think she is hot. Anyway, start with a card… something funny and not creepy. Tell her you are sick of her lesbian ways and it is time for her to have coffee with a real man.- nik