Emoji Movie Masturbator — Abraham Parnes
THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, talk about some news to skeeve you out! I’m seeing a trending story from New Jersey this AM about a man named Abraham Parnes who decided to reportedly jerk off in a NJ movie theater during a showing of The Emoji Movie. The picture (above) has surfaced everywhere after he ended up turning himself into police. In the name of God, why didn’t this man just stay home and do this? Yuck.
My vote is for the death penalty.- nik