THE DIRTY ARMY: Hey Nik, I just wanted to submit a friend. I think she’s super cute. She has kind of a girl-next-door look, which I know is not really your type. But I wanted to see anyway. Her names Rachel, and she’s a lot of fun. Goes to Cal Poly Pomona, and knows how to party. I know you’re going to say she needs some +2’s, but other than that… Would you?

Answer: No, who wants to sleep with a normal looking girl who sucks in for pictures?