THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, God help me write this, but I think its time I let it out. This is my story about how a man who completely destroyed me within a matter of minutes, three times. At first I didnt know it was rape. After years of abuse I just thought it was normal and no one would talk about it. But surely it happens to everyone? Right? Clearly not.
I somehow convinced myself that it was my fault and that I asked for it. And that I was wearing the wrong clothes so it could have happened to anyone. That I’m clearly a slut because of this. That no man will ever love me because of what has happened. No one will accept me and my past. But no one should ever feel like that, as it is the hardest thing I have ever had to get out of. And I’m still trying.
I was 13 the first time. 15 the second time. And 17 the third time. And I remember every minute and every second of those days. And I dont think I could ever forget. It’s like it was a game, he would ask me questions and if I had answered wrong he would make it worse for me. It got to a point when I wouldn’t answer and would just let him do whatever he wanted. In that moment I gave up. I will always remember. I felt defeated, and broken. I had no power over him. Nothing I would do or say would stop what was happening. I remember him holding my wrists down forcing me not to move. And then asking me questions. Or holding my mouth shut, and then asking me the questions. Because he knew I couldn’t answer, and that was the worst part of the game. He was telling me ‘to look to the sky’ because apparently, it makes it easier. To this day still I cant look to the sky without thinking about what happened.
Continue Reading- WOW!- nik